Line Of Duty [2] His Risk to Take Page 11

  “Dammit, Bowie,” she whispered shakily, then glared in Lenny’s direction. Humiliation mixed with grief. She’d likely blown the arrest and gotten Bowen hurt in the process. If she’d stayed out of it, none of this would be happening. Instead, she’d gone and jeopardized Troy, Bowen, and herself when she’d intended on the exact opposite. Her throat tightened, emotions threatening to give way. “I guess monsters are born, not made. Thank God Bowen is nothing like you.”

  Lenny’s eyes glittered dangerously. He stepped away from her, rubbing the back of his neck with jerky movements. Then he took a giant step forward and slapped her across the face, hard enough to knock her off the chair. Stinging pain radiated from her cheek; a surprised cry tore from her lips. Bowen stirred on the floor beside her, attempting to shield her, but she put a hand on his cheek and told him to stay down.

  She didn’t think she could endure watching him be punished any more for her mistake.

  A hand circled her neck and yanked her off the floor. She was thrown back into the chair, choking and dragging in deep gulps of air. Helplessly, she watched as Lenny reached into the back of his jeans for his gun.

  This is it. This is it, her mind repeated continuously until she started saying it out loud as well. Ruby squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting the final image she ever saw to be Lenny’s face.

  Her apartment door crashed open, followed by the unmistakable cocking of a gun and a voice that sent relief racing through her body.

  “I wouldn’t reach for that gun, Mr. Driscol.” Troy’s voice vibrated with intensity. Both of Lenny’s men reach into their jackets. “You two, either. My backup just arrived. You won’t make it out of the building.”

  Several other police officers entered the apartment behind Troy, guns drawn. With rapid efficiency, they divested Lenny’s men of their weapons and handcuffed them. Troy didn’t take his gun off Lenny until the other threats had been removed, but then he confiscated the gun from Lenny’s waistband and pushed him down to handcuff him. For the first time since he’d entered the apartment, Ruby could see Troy.

  As he placed the handcuffs on a resigned Lenny, Troy’s gaze ran over her anxiously, teeth clenching when he saw her ruined knees. Two officers she recognized from O’Hanlon’s stepped in to take over handcuffing Lenny, as if anticipating what he might do. Remorse, apology, anger, and need warred on his face as he watched her. But so many emotions warred inside her that she couldn’t stand the weight of his, too. It reminded her of what she’d done. How she’d risked him. Risked what they might have had together.

  And she hated seeing his remorse because she didn’t deserve it.

  “Tell me you’re okay,” he demanded when he’d gotten himself under control.

  With a shaky nod, Ruby tore her gaze away from him and focused on something she could do to help repair the damage. She dropped off the chair onto the floor, ignoring the pain it caused her knees, and used the edge of her coat to wipe blood from Bowen’s face. He shrugged her off, moving with difficulty into a sitting position. She looked up at the room in general.

  “Can someone please call an ambulance?”

  She felt Troy behind her. “It’s already on the way.” He knelt down next to her, but she ignored him, couldn’t stand to see sympathy in his eyes. She felt him slide an arm around her waist, and barely resisted the urge to lean into his warmth. “Sit back up on the chair, baby. Your knees…” He cleared his throat. “You need the ambulance, too.”

  “No. I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine,” he grated. “Neither of us are fine.”

  As if on cue, three paramedics filed into the apartment and went straight for Bowen, who finally spoke up. “I’m good here, Rube,” he said, expression thoughtful as he watched Troy. “Go get yourself patched up.”

  Troy stood over her while the paramedic cut her jeans to the knee so he could clean and bandage her wounds. She could practically feel the tension rolling off Troy, but her own mental strain easily matched his.

  More than anything, she wanted everyone out of her apartment so she could bury her face in a pillow and cry. She hadn’t cried since her father left to go back out on the road a year prior. Now it felt like tiny cracks were forming in her exterior, ready to burst.

  Lenny and his men were escorted down the stairs and placed in the backs of separate patrol cars. All three of them complained over their rough treatment and yelled for lawyers as they went. Bowen’s injuries required further medical treatment, and although he protested vehemently, they finally convinced him if he didn’t get stitches, his face might not heal correctly.

  That got him moving.

  Finally, she and Troy were left alone in the apartment. He closed the door behind the final officer and turned to face her. When he started to speak, she cut him off.

  “I already know what you’re going to say, so please… Save your breath.”

  “You have no clue what I’m going to say.”

  Ruby raised her head to find his gaze riveted on her, drawing her in. She quickly looked away. “Sure, I do. I put myself and others in danger, including you.

  I acted foolishly. I need to stay away from you for my own good, as well as yours.” She gave a single, shaky nod. “Finally, we agree on something. You were right to leave. You should get as far away from me as possible.”

  Troy went very still, unease moving across his face.

  “Ruby—”

  “Just leave me. Please.”

  “Don’t ask me to do that,” he said, coming toward her. “We both made mistakes today, but right now, in this moment, we need each other. Don’t let pride get in the way of that.”

  “This isn’t about pride.” She hated the defeat in her voice, but the numbness wouldn’t let anything else through. Maybe her refusal was based on pride. In the last hour, hers had taken a tremendous hit. She felt exposed, embarrassed… Everything she’d ever stood for had been thrown in her face. But right now, she didn’t care about the reason, only knew she wanted him to leave her in peace so she could scrape up the broken pieces. “Go home, Troy. You caught the bad guy and saved the reckless head case from certain death. It’s over.”

  Troy knelt down in front of her, his voice vibrating with emotion. “No, it’s not. But nothing I say right now is going to get through, is it?” She didn’t answer, just stared down at him while doing her best to keep a blank expression. He cupped her ankles and slid his warm hands slowly up to the backs of her knees, his touch so achingly tender that her entire body shook uncontrollably. After the emotional upheaval of the last hour, his touch felt like a healing balm even as it demolished her. Troy leaned forward and pressed light kisses to the bandages on her knees, apologizing between each kiss. “I’m so sorry, Ruby. So sorry.”

  Her throat clogged with the sobs dying to break free. He wasn’t going to leave. She could see it on his face, in the fierceness of his expression. Her hands ached to reach out and trace his furrowed brow.

  Feel the scrape of his beard against her cheek. But another, equally potent part of her could only see her shortcomings when she looked at his face right now.

  She would have to make him leave. Her composure was starting to slip past the point of no return. “I told you if you left, it would be the last time we were together,” she whispered and watched his face cloud.

  “I never break a promise, Troy. Get out.”

  Before he left, he paused at the door. “They’re going to need you to come in to make a statement. I want to take you in myself, but if you’d rather someone el—”

  “I would.”

  He nodded once. When he walked out the door a moment later, one of the officers she recognized came in, introduced himself as Brent, and drove her down to the station. She saw Troy through a glass partition when she arrived, but ignored him as she was led to an interrogation room. Thankfully, Brent ended up taking her statement. He hadn’t forced her to talk on the ride into Manhattan and didn’t keep her there longer than
needed, which she appreciated. As he jotted down her monotone answers on a legal pad, her detailed account of events and her reasons behind them sounded ill-advised to her own ears, sinking her even deeper into the black pit she’d descended into.

  Brent offered to give her a ride back to Brooklyn, but she declined, wanting desperately to get away from anything reminding her of Troy or the events of the afternoon. When she arrived home half an hour later, it felt like a dam breaking. She slammed her apartment door, limped to her bed, lay down, and didn’t get up for a very long time.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Troy’s vision blurred as he poured his fifth tumbler of whiskey. He couldn’t recall how much time had passed since he’d walked through the door and fallen into the dining room chair. It could have been seconds, hours, days. There was an image seared into his brain he couldn’t shake. His loose objective had been to drink until it faded from his memory, but the more liquor he consumed, the more he thought of Ruby, cut and bleeding, staring her own death in the face. If he’d been one second later…just one second…

  He raised the glass to his lips and took a long pull, welcoming the burn in his chest as the liquid went through him. The image alone would have been enough to give him nightmares for the rest of his life, but her defeated attitude afterward made it infinitely worse. She’d never been defeated a day in her life. He would lay every cent he had on it. He’d done that to her. Given her nothing to hold on to. No reason to fight.

  He’d driven away, leaving her to battle a homicidal criminal on her own. He would never forgive himself.

  Never.

  Troy pushed back his chair and stood. He paced the kitchen, mind racing from one thought to the next.

  Was she asleep, battling the same nightmares he was avoiding? Was she in pain? The thought made him crazy. Made him ache as if the injuries were his own, instead of Ruby’s.

  He desperately needed a distraction or he would lose what little sanity he had left. Today had been hell for more than one reason. Snatching his phone off the table, he knew he couldn’t put off the call he’d been dreading since this morning off any longer. He blew out a deep breath and pressed a number he’d had on speed dial for years. Judith, Grant’s widow, answered on the third ring.

  “Hello?” Judith’s voice, along with a duo of children’s voices in the background. It sounded so familiar it gave him momentary pause. “Hello?”

  “Judith, its Troy.”

  “Troy,” she greeted him warmly. “I had a feeling you’d call today.”

  He sat back down in the dining room chair. “I should have called earlier. It’s been a hectic day.”

  She laughed under her breath. “I remember those too well.”

  Of course she would. “How are you?”

  “Oh, you know…coping. Grant would have been thirty today.” She sighed. “It would have been one hell of a party.”

  Troy smiled. “If I recall correctly, for this twenty-eighth, he insisted on setting up the kids’ Slip’N Slide on the front lawn.”

  “Yeah. At 2:00 a.m. The neighbors were thrilled.”

  They both laughed. “So how has New York been so far?”

  Just like that, his stubborn thoughts went back to Ruby. Guilt assailed him. His best friend’s widow was on the other line and he couldn’t get Ruby out of his head.

  “Uh-oh. Radio silence is never a good sign. What’s her name, stud?”

  “Judith, we really don’t—”

  “Please,” she implored, her tone suddenly serious.

  “Take my mind off things for a few minutes Troy. I’d appreciate it.”

  Troy massaged his forehead where a dull throbbing had formed. “Ruby. Her name is Ruby. She’s a professional pool hustler with an attitude the size of fucking Illinois. She’s a spectacular pain in the ass.” He leaned back in his chair, releasing a slow breath. “She’s also beautiful, brave, and loyal. And way too smart for her own good.”

  “Damn. What the hell are you wasting your time talking to me for?” Judith laughed. “A professional pool hustler, huh? I bet you’re just tickled over that safe, boring career choice.”

  “Was it obvious?”

  “Huh.” Judith stayed silent a moment. Troy could practically hear her drawing her own conclusions. “You know, we never really talked about the night Grant…you know,” she started hesitantly. “I don’t think I’m even ready now. But Troy? We both know nothing you said or did could have stopped him from swooping in and trying to be the hero. I married a cowboy. I knew it from the beginning.” A beat passed. “And I loved him for it, not in spite of it.”

  Her words dropped like tiny bombshells onto

  Troy’s head, cutting straight through the fog brought on by the alcohol he’d consumed. “Judith—”

  “I have to go. The kids…” Judith trailed off. He sensed the conversation had been too much for her, so he said good-bye and hung up, her words ringing in his head. He’d never expected or even wanted for her to absolve him of Grant’s death, but he couldn’t deny feeling a sense of peace for the first time in months. He didn’t feel better, that would take much longer, but he felt slightly lighter than before.

  I loved him for it, not in spite of it.

  Troy stood and looked out the window toward Brooklyn. He’d known from the second Ruby walked into O’Hanlon’s that there was nothing safe about her.

  It hadn’t stopped him, though. He’d gone after her like a man obsessed, incapable of making any other choice but the one that kept her in his arms. She’d excited him, challenged him, and made him human again after he’d spent so much time shutting out anything that made him feel.

  Troy’s head dropped forward as if a cord holding it upright had been cut, a sickening pit forming in his stomach as he remembered her dejected face as she’d gotten out of his car. After he’d told her he couldn’t be with her. Jesus, he’d fallen hard for a girl with abandonment issues, and he’d already proven to her that he was no different than anyone who’d done the same in the past. A stubborn-as-hell girl who’d promised she would never again give him the time of day.

  He’d well and truly screwed up this time. Too bad he could be just as stubborn and determined as Ruby when he wanted something. In no world did there exist the possibility where he accepted her decision and let her walk. As of right now, he only had one advantage working in his favor.

  She’d fallen for him, too.

  If he hadn’t been blinded by his fear of losing her, he’d have realized her risky stunt today had been Ruby’s unique way of telling him. Tomorrow he would need to remind her why.

  …

  Ruby woke the next morning with a gasp after a twelve solid hours of sleep. As if her brain had shut off out of necessity, she’d slept in a black, dreamless void. Now, however, the events of the day before rushed back in a blast of clarity, catapulting her back down onto her pillow. Troy’s parting words floated over her, slaying her all over again. He’d been on his knees, kissing her and apologizing. So she’d thrown him out. Did that make her insane or stupid?

  Twice in her life she’d felt the sting of abandonment.

  First, with her father and yesterday with Troy. She’d opened herself up for a wealth of pain, and she’d been rewarded in spades for letting her guard down. He said he’d left for her own good, but he’d broken her heart in the process, and for the first time since she could remember, she’d felt robbed of her usual inner strength. When she’d sat in the chair, waiting for Lenny to pull his gun, a tiny part of her had been too tired to fight. That kind of mentality was dangerous for someone like her. She’d always been a survivor, and in the space of five minutes, Troy’s leaving had robbed her of that. She couldn’t forgive him for it, nor could she forgive herself.

  Every dull beat of her heart echoed in her ears as if it had literally been damaged. It hurt to think or move or breathe. She could fix herself by going to him, apologizing for her rash actions, and forgiving him for leaving. He�
�d take away all the pain. Until the next time. There would always be a next time.

  After testing her knees by bending them toward her stomach, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and went to shower. Not wanting any reminder of yesterday, she ripped off the bandages and threw them in the trash. She drew strength from the hot water rushing over her damaged skin, the sting helping to fight the numbness. This wouldn’t beat her. She had too many plans and had come too far. Yesterday, she’d been broken, so today, she would begin to fix herself.

  Sort through the ashes and build on whatever parts of her had survived. Adding new parts as she went.

  Brazening it out as usual.

  Ruby had a lot of experience blocking painful thoughts. It hurt to think of Troy, so she simply wouldn’t.

  Perhaps right now, when everything remained so fresh, the feat proved impossible. But over time, she would do it. She would forget the man who’d stormed into her life, commanded the possession of her body, her heart. After all, she didn’t have any other option, did she?

  Knowing how important it was to make her 9:00 a.m. class, she tugged on her jeans and jammed her feet into her leather boots. Her pool stick sat in the corner, catching her eye, but she didn’t grab it and sling it over her shoulder as she normally would. At the bottom of the stairs, she pushed open the door and came to a dead stop.

  Troy leaned against his car, arms crossed, clearly waiting for her. He looked terrible, eyes red-rimmed, hair sticking up in every direction. When he saw her exit, he pushed off his car and took a step toward her.

  Without thinking, Ruby backed up. Otherwise, she would have run at him full-force and thrown herself at him. That would never work. She teetered right on the edge, and if he touched her, she would fall, hands flailing, into the ravine.