Exposed by Fate Read online

  He felt like that now. Walking away from the table, he’d felt like he won the race. Then he’d looked back at the starting line and realized he’d missed the whole point. Frankie hadn’t needed someone to play hardball with her. She’d needed someone to be good to her. He’d set up the program in his mother’s memory to commemorate her spirit. A spirit he didn’t have.

  Eliza had it. Watching her so sweetly put into words something he would never be capable of saying had put him back at the finish line of that race. Staring back at what he would never be. For God’s sake, he was trying to convince Eliza to love him? He really must be a special kind of idiot. He’d encountered so many women over the last decade of his life, all of them worthy of love, but him incapable of giving it. Now, he’d met the only girl who made him feel exultant and scared and desperate, all at the same time. And he couldn’t have her. Didn’t deserve her. Hadn’t earned the right to pleasure her. Or have lunch with her. Or marry her.

  Oliver felt like he’d had a steel bar driven through his middle. Oh yeah, he’d actually had the notion in the back of his head, but hadn’t allowed himself to acknowledge it until now. He’d sell his soul to the devil to marry Eliza, but the bastard was already in possession of it.

  What was that old saying? If you love something, let it go. Whoever the hell had come up with it must have walked a mile in his shoes at some point. Probably a former recipient of the New York City’s Most Eligible Bachelor title. He’d been deluding himself to think he could have Eliza. What would she get out of the bargain? A guy who wore a tux well. A guy she’d probably wonder about every time they were around other women. Him. Nothing. He’d given himself away.

  She turned and smiled up at him, her expression guileless and gentle. It disappeared slowly, though, in degrees. It seeped away, the same as his hope, and replaced with concern. Don’t be concerned, babe. It’s all over now.

  Eliza rose and took his arm. “Frankie, please think about what we said. You have Oliver’s number. Call to let him know what you decide.”

  He sent the command to his brain to smile and nod at Frankie as they walked away. She really would be perfect for something in his mother’s name. Another person who knew how to feel, to be good, even if she kept it hidden. They’d only made it halfway through the break room when a bench squeaked and the younger girl’s voice carried across the space to meet them.

  “I’ll take it. I-I want the scholarship, please.”

  A cheer went up around the break room. Joe left his table full of men and scooped his niece up into a bear hug. At first, Frankie look startled, but she sent them a thumbs up over her uncle’s shoulder. One by one, cab drivers came over to congratulate her with whopping back slaps that were usually reserved for men much bigger than Frankie. The scene felt intimate, private. Eliza must have felt the same way because she tugged him back down the hallway and onto the main floor.

  They snagged a ride just outside the entrance, thanks to the steady stream of cabs leaving the facility. As he slid in beside Eliza and watched her turn to face him expectantly, Oliver realized he had a decision to make. An important one.

  He couldn’t have her. Not permanently. As much as the idea of orbiting around her forever without being able to touch her made him want to jump out of the moving taxi, he had to walk away. She’d find someone worthy and—

  Fuck fuck fuck. He couldn’t think about that just yet.

  He pressed two fingers to his right eye where a painful throb had started. Did it make him a selfish prick to want her one last time? A night to engrave on his memory? He could unearth it every time the world felt like a shitty place and remember that Eliza was in it. Being with him one last time wouldn’t affect her negatively. She’d expressed to him several times her understanding of how he operated. Come on, playboy. That’s quite a line, playboy. No, she’d walk away unscathed, heart intact. The least he could do for her was live up to his end of the bargain. Make sure she never went into a situation without the armor of knowledge. God, if he couldn’t have her, he at least needed her to be safe. With someone else.

  Oliver pondered the door handle, wondering if the cab was going fast enough to break any bones.

  “Are you all right?” She scooted closer on the seat and took his hand. “It went great in there. You did it. She’s in.”

  He pushed her hair away from her face. “That was all you, bunny. You’re incredible.”

  “No, that was classic good cop, bad cop. We nailed it.” She ran a finger down the center of his chest and his lungs seized. How could he live with wanting her this bad? “You know, if you ever considered a career in law enforcement, you’d look great in the uniform.”

  Her mouth looked so delicious, only a few inches away. No. If he kissed her now, they’d be at his apartment within minutes screwing on the first surface he could plant her ass on. Then it would be over. Lessons complete. His body begged for her, while the rest of him screamed: Put it off. You only get her one more time. Don’t make it a quickie in between meetings.

  “Eliza—”

  “Hmm?” She popped open the top two buttons of his shirt. Keeping her gaze locked on him, she licked the hollow up his neck, tracing a path up to his ear. “Okay, we’ll ditch the uniform and keep the handcuffs. Sound fair?”

  Oliver groaned, feeling so hot he actually pondered fulfilling the urge to drag Eliza onto his lap and sink her down on the erection for which she was responsible. He could throw a handful of bills at the cab driver and tell him to keep driving. The guy probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash. She hadn’t ridden him yet and that suddenly seemed like the crime of the century. Still, his heart won. He couldn’t stand for his time with Eliza to end so soon. He couldn’t.

  “Stop, babe.”

  She went still, her tongue pausing in its exploration of his ear. “O-kay.”

  The hurt in her voice made him feel sea sick. “I have to get back to the office. There’s a meeting…people are there…” Nice one, fuckwit.

  As if she’d been climbing on an electrified prison fence that had suddenly jolted to life, she all but dove back to her side of the cab. One shaky hand came up to tuck a lock of blond hair behind her ear. She hadn’t bought his excuse. No one would have. “Yeah, me too. M-meeting.”

  Christ, he couldn’t let her go without setting their final lesson. As soon as the cab stopped moving, she’d be running toward her building. He’d hurt her feminine pride and she probably couldn’t wait to start avoiding him. Forgetting about him. Not yet. We’re not done yet.

  “Eliza.”

  Her head whipped around at the dominance in his voice. The sheen of tears in her eyes transformed on the spot into a glazed look, one she got when he spoke to her this way. Dammit, why did she have to be so perfect for him? Following him seamlessly between both sides of his personality without any prompting beforehand, like they’d been doing this their whole lives. Not fucking fair.

  He took her chin in his hand and held it firm. “Wednesday night at seven. My place. You’ll arrive without a bra or panties on. In this dress. I want your hair up so I can see all of you.” Knowing it was a risk, he leaned in and kissed her, a slow brush of lips that exacerbated both of their breathing. “Your final lesson, Eliza. I plan to make sure you graduate with honors.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Eliza rested her forehead against the cool passenger side window, watching absently as her breath fogged it up. She’d made dinner plans with Caroline tonight in an effort to distract herself from thoughts of Oliver and their last meeting tomorrow. Kind of silly, considering the two of them were siblings and shared a nose, but her best friend had an uncanny way of taking her mind off everything, usually with off-the-wall topics that had little to do with either of their professions. Eliza liked to think they decompressed each other.

  With an hour to go in the work day, Caroline had called her apologizing. Even with her and Oliver at the magazine’s helm, their father was still required to sign some paperwork from time to time, and Caroline
needed documents signed for an early morning meeting. Not wanting to cancel completely, she’d invited Eliza along for the ride to Long Island, promising egg rolls and noodles on the way back. She’d had no choice but to agree. The alternative was burrowing under a pile of swatches on her living room floor and watching a Pawn Stars marathon.

  Oliver.

  Who was he to her now? Could she spend time with him now and not think about what he did to her body? How his voice sounded in her ear? She didn’t think so and that scared her. After yesterday, she couldn’t fool herself anymore into thinking he was a typical lady’s man with commitment issues that happened to be atrociously handsome. Oliver was a damn sight more than that. He had insecurities, just like anyone else, only she hadn’t realized until yesterday just how deep they ran. No one will be surprised if I don’t deliver on this. His family’s lack of confidence in him had always been a running joke, one she’d even been in on from time to time, but it wasn’t funny to her anymore. All this time, he’d taken it to heart, smiled through the pain.

  It killed her, knowing that. Knowing this caring man who hadn’t just used their time together as an excuse for easy sex. He’d been patient with her, reminding her to stand strong on her boundaries, to have a voice. Maybe he was the brave one, and she hadn’t seen it until now. How cruel of fate to give her a glimpse into this amazing man just in time to watch him walk away. Like a freight train headed toward disaster, though, she could see the pain ahead. It was going to hurt, this separation. Had she fallen in love with him that day in the dorm room when he’d winked at her behind everyone’s back or had it happened yesterday when he held her hand so tightly in that cab? It was all a blur now. A blur that only came into focus when he was standing in front of her. After tomorrow night, he wouldn’t be there anymore. She’d watch him date and discard to his heart’s content when all the while, hers would be bleeding on the floor.

  Porter. She hadn’t even thought of him since that night last weekend in Serve. Yet, Oliver had made the promise to call and set them up. Should she let him? It felt wrong on every level, but if she declined, she might as well skywrite her feelings for Oliver over Manhattan. Things would never have a chance of being the same after that, and she couldn’t stand the thought of him being gone from her life. And he’d do it, too. Oliver might leave a trail of broken hearts behind him wherever he went, but he cared about his family. Her, too. If staying away would be the easiest thing for her, for Caroline, he would do it. So she’d let him set her up with Porter. Hell, maybe a night with another man was the only way to force herself to move on.

  Her stomach pitched at the thought of hands that weren’t Oliver’s caressing her skin. Oh, God. What had she done to herself? The responsible course of action would be to cancel their lesson. Tell him she’d learned what she needed to know and didn’t need him anymore. It would give him an out and allow her to walk away with dignity. It would be on her terms.

  Yet she would never make that call. Never deny herself that final night. She’d regret it for the rest of her life if she let an opportunity to be with Oliver pass. So she’d wait for the fall that came after.

  Caroline turned off the highway and headed down the tree-lined avenue that would lead her to Philip Preston’s house. “Jonah wants to get a dog.”

  Eliza wrote Fido in the condensation she’d created on the window. “What kind?”

  “We’ve only gotten as far as ‘big ass dog’.”

  “It’s a start.”

  This is why she loved Caroline. Her friend ran an edgy, successful magazine, wined and dined with corporate fat cats on a weekly basis, yet she never talked about it. That fascinated Eliza. She considered Caroline her best friend, sometimes her only friend, but they both had unspoken boundaries. They only delved into personal or professional fears when absolutely necessary, but when they did, Eliza always came out on the other side feeling better. Unfortunately, Eliza was only starting to realize she might have used their carefully constructed boundaries to justify her relationship with Oliver. She’d told herself they were all adults and this was only an innocent diversion. Sitting next to her best friend at that moment, though, she couldn’t deny the guilt wrapping around her like a cloak.

  “So you’re telling me I need to accommodate a big ass dog in my redecoration plans?”

  “Yes.” Caroline’s tone was brisk, but a smile tugged one end of her mouth. “We’d like a puppy Jacuzzi, complete with massaging jets.”

  “Of course.” Eliza pretended to take notes. “And he should have his own separate entrance. Don’t want him feeling trapped in that giant brownstone.”

  “Who said big ass dog was going to be a male? I like the idea of girls outnumbering Jonah three to one.”

  “I apologize for my doggy discrimination.”

  Caroline snorted. “Honestly, I think Jonah doesn’t like me there alone at night when he works late at Serve. Of course, he won’t say that because he’d have to hear me—”

  “Remind him that women are just as capable of locking doors and alarming tricked out security systems.”

  “Yes, exactly. Anyway, I think he’s looking for a housebroken version of Cujo.”

  Eliza chuckled. “If anyone can find one, it’s him.”

  Caroline groaned. “I asked Oliver to talk him out of it, but he’s been so preoccupied lately, I think he forgot. Some brother he’s turned out to be.”

  Just the mention of his name sent blood roaring through her veins. The scenery passing by the car felt sharper at the mere reminder of him. She cleared her throat into the silence. “Well, he’ll be sorry when he gets stuck with Cujo-sitting duty.”

  “Ha! I love the way your mind works, Ballas.” Her friend sighed. “Not sure what’s up with Oliver, lately. He’s been at the office earlier than me every day for two weeks.”

  “Isn’t that a good thing?”

  “I’m not sure. If this wasn’t my brother, I’d swear it was a girl.”

  Eliza stayed silent, unable to talk around the ache in her throat. If this wasn’t my brother…the reminder of Oliver’s need for multiple women stung, even though it shouldn’t. Caroline didn’t realize Oliver had been working overtime on making his mother’s scholarship program a success, in addition to the work he already did at ReVAMPed. It wasn’t a girl that had him so preoccupied. It had nothing to do with her.

  Caroline turned into her father’s driveway and frowned. “Well, speak of the devil.”

  Her headlights illuminated Oliver as he stepped out of his own car, holding a handful of documents. Eliza’s body felt like it might melt into the seat. After thinking of him non-stop throughout the day, seeing him in the flesh was like a crazy shot of adrenaline. He still wore his suit, but his sleeves were rolled up, his hair in disarray from a day’s worth of finger pulling. When Caroline killed her headlights and he saw her sitting in the car, she watched his Adam’s apple slide slowly up and down. Probably from nerves or guilt. This would be the first time the three of them were in the same place since the lessons began. There would be no escaping it.

  …

  Oliver forced himself not to rush Eliza as she climbed out of the car. He’d had a long, frustrating day and the reason for most, okay all, of that frustration looked like a breath of fresh air, while he felt like shit. It took all his self-control to remain standing in the driveway when he wanted to spread Eliza across the hood of his car and pump every ounce of his vexation into her. In his current state, he didn’t really give a fuck who was watching as long as he could have her. Did that make him a degenerate? So be it. He’d been called worse.

  God, his attitude sucked, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Less than twenty-four hours to go until she left his life for good. At least in the capacity he wanted. Tonight would only be the first of many times he’d be in the same room with her, forced to smile genially and be Caroline’s big brother, as opposed to the man fucking Eliza’s sweet, flexible body. The man on the receiving end of her secretive smiles. The man s
he absorbed comfort from.

  He took a centering breath and loosed his grip on the documents in his hand, before he crumpled them. “What are you two doing here?”

  Caroline tossed her car keys into her purse and approached him. “I could ask you the same thing.”

  “Paperwork for the scholarship fund.”

  His sister brightened. “Finally telling him? I can’t wait to see his reaction.” She kissed him on the cheek. “I bribed Eliza with noodles to keep me company. Too bad we didn’t know each other’s plans. We could have driven together.”

  “Too bad,” he murmured. Eliza hovered a few feet behind Caroline, looking unsure how to proceed. He raised an eyebrow at her and opened his arms for her to walk into. “Bunny. It’s been forever.” Goddammit, she felt perfect in his arms. He wanted to sit down on the dusty driveway and rock her in his lap. Under his sister’s discerning eye, he just barely managed to release her before it became inappropriate. Needing a breather, he led the way toward the front door and let them in.

  “Father?” Caroline called as he flipped on the hallway light.

  “I’m in my office,” her father’s wearied voice called back. “I’m in the middle of a chapter. Be out shortly.”

  On cue, he and Caroline rolled their eyes. Their father lived his life between chapters and had uttered the same phrase at least a million times since they were kids. All three of them walked into the kitchen, turning on lights as they went. Automatically, Caroline went to the coffee pot and started making coffee, leaving him free to stare at Eliza for a few precious seconds. She just had to go and wear a skirt when he’d been owning a hard-on since yesterday afternoon, didn’t she? It hugged her ass like a second skin, ending only a short length below those round cheeks. No panty-lines meant a thong. Or nothing at all. Fuuuuck. As if she didn’t have a single care in the world, she braced herself on the kitchen island on her elbows and laughed at something Caroline said, making her breasts bounce and strain against her white blouse. He closed his eyes and prayed for the return of his sanity. His father and sister were in the same house, and they were the smartest people he knew. If he kept pondering the angle with which he could bang Eliza against the wooden island, they’d see right through him.