Too Hot to Handle (Romancing the Clarksons #1) Page 18

  He saw only grief.

  The same grief he’d seen on her face this afternoon, when he’d sent her packing. A pattern jumped into focus, so clear he could move it around, rearrange it in the air. The cooking demonstration he’d organized was a reminder of what Rita viewed as a failure, maybe even failures. And then she’d thrown Jasper her own version of a knife attack, trying to deflect the pain. Instead of dodging it like he should have done, he’d taken a direct hit and stabbed them both where it hurt.

  Jasper didn’t bother closing the laptop. Couldn’t lift his arm to do much more than grab his keys and fall toward the door. Have to see her. Can’t leave it like this.

  “Boss man,” Nate called. “Where you headed?”

  He had to clear his throat to speak. “Going to the Arms.”

  “Hope you aren’t aiming to find that Rita,” Nate answered, uncapping a bottle of beer. “She’s gone on an outing, she has.”

  Jasper had his bartender by the shirt collar before he knew his own mind. “Don’t…don’t you fucking tell me she left town while I was sitting back there.”

  “Nothing like that.” The young man held up both hands, shock radiating from his stiff form. “She’s just gone out to the desert, is all. Looking to feel the miracle of trust.”

  “Christ.”

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Desert excursion, my ass.

  Rita should have known. Among the four siblings, Peggy was the best liar. Which was ironic, considering that Aaron was the politician. Even knowing her little sister could fudge the truth with the best of them, Rita hadn’t even blinked at Peggy’s description of their nighttime outing. Hot dogs and a bonfire had sounded foolproof. Now, however, crammed in the back of two Jeeps, bumping along the desert dunes—very likely toward their deaths—it was obvious ghost stories and s’mores were not on the agenda.

  Rita’s assumption might have something to do with the painted, rainbow-colored signs adorning the doors of both Jeeps: GLEN’S TRUST EXERCISES: GOT TRUTH?

  “What the hell did you get us into?” Rita shouted at Peggy, struggling to be heard over the wind funneling through the open-top Jeep. On the opposite side of Peggy, Aaron sat with eyes closed, arms folded, looking as if he were attempting to meditate the anger away. Sage and Belmont were in the second Jeep, probably trying to stare one another to death, a situation that still hadn’t been explained to Rita’s satisfaction. Hell, at all.

  Peggy reached over and patted Rita’s leg. “It’ll be good for us.”

  Rita’s scoff was lost in the racing wind. “How far out do they need to take us?”

  “The idea is to remove yourself from the trappings of everyday life,” Glen himself called back from the driver’s seat just as they overtook a giant dune, leaving Rita’s stomach hovering midair. “To strip down to your most basic layer to get to the truth, with the help of your loved ones.”

  “Loved ones? That’s a stretch,” Aaron said. At her brother’s words, Peggy slumped down in her seat, twisting a curl around her finger, prompting a sigh from Aaron and a few uncomfortable glances in his younger sister’s direction. After a minute of visibly wrestling with himself, he put an arm around Peggy’s shoulder. “Crybaby.”

  Humor trickled into Peggy’s dejection. “Shut up.”

  Pretending she wasn’t seeing a rare display of affection between siblings, Rita stared out over the dark, endless expanse of sand, wondering if she’d sold the desert excursion idea short. Maybe her sister was right and any form of forced interaction would be good for them.

  Or they’d just die out there in the remote desert, their identifying features pecked away by buzzards, never to be seen or heard from again.

  What was Jasper doing right now? Did he think she’d already left?

  The unwanted thoughts bombarded Rita just as the Jeeps pulled to a stop alongside a charred cement circle surrounded by three, equal-sized logs. “At least you were telling the truth about the bonfire,” Rita murmured.

  Ten minutes later they were seated around a crackling fire that whipped side to side in the wind. Rita shared a log with the two guides, Glen and Milap, Sage and Belmont took one for themselves, Peggy and Aaron sat on the other. They were halfway through their hot dogs when Glen stood and circled the group a few times, wrists crossed at the small of his back. “Tonight is going to be a difficult journey, but a rewarding one. I sense a lot of negative energy among this group.”

  “Yeah. Can I see a business license?”

  “Aaron,” Peggy admonished, shoving her brother’s shoulder before returning her attention to Glen. “That’s a very astute observation. Please continue.”

  Glen inclined his head. “I’d like to begin with—”

  The sound of an engine brought everyone up short. Actually, it freaked Rita out. She couldn’t see a damn thing outside the lit circle, so heavy machinery barreling in their direction with an unknown occupant was undesirable at best. “Are w-we expecting someone else?”

  “We’re always prepared to expect the unexpected,” Glen hedged, but Rita caught the nervous look he sent the other guide.

  Aaron stood up. “All right. I’m really going to need that business license.”

  Everyone was in a state of suspended animation until the unknown vehicle’s engine cut out and a familiar voice broke the silence. “Rita.”

  It was Jasper. She couldn’t see him in the darkness, but it was Jasper. He was there. Blood rushed into her limbs, warming them after being frozen solid all day.

  “Rita?”

  “Yeah,” she called.

  “Well, don’t strive for romance,” Aaron commented.

  Rita ignored her brother, searching futilely in the darkness for Jasper. When he walked into the circle of light a second later and came to a stop mere inches away, an invisible blanket of relief and comfort draped over her shoulders. God, he was freaking gorgeous in faded jeans and slightly rumpled flannel, hair a total mess. He still hadn’t shaved, giving him a rugged appearance, and it was everything Rita could do to refrain from jumping him, holding him, apologizing, but the potential gravity of what she’d done earlier kept her rooted to the spot.

  Jasper didn’t remove his rapt attention from Rita, even as he addressed Glen. “You were told to shut this operation down. Drive them on back to the motel now.”

  “Who told you we were here?” Glen all but whined. “Nate again, wasn’t it?”

  “Knew it,” Aaron said, pacing in a circle while Peggy poked him in the ribs. “Never let a hippie drive you into the desert.”

  “Why did you come?” Rita whispered, hearing the starry-eyed quality to her voice and giving zero fucks. “Just to protect us?”

  Jasper stepped closer, obviously prepared to give an answer. “Rita—”

  “We are doing this goddamn trust exercise, do you hear me?” Peggy chose that moment to go full tantrum, forcing Rita to look away from him. “We’re here and it’s happening. And I’m not moving until it’s over and everyone stops acting like giant assholes.”

  Sage moved toward Peggy, laying a hand on her shoulder, which seemed to relax Peggy considerably. Rita recalled the way the wedding planner had calmed Belmont the night before after the bar brawl. Was Sage some kind of voodoo priestess? “We’re already here,” Sage said, sending Belmont a shy glance. “Might as well give it a shot, right?”

  Everyone looked at Belmont, who nodded once, and that appeared to be the final word on the matter. Glen deflated in apparent relief and everyone sat back down, even a quietly outraged Aaron. Which left Rita and Jasper standing, facing one another. Were her own eyes devouring the sight of Jasper the way he appeared to be devouring the sight of her? She could feel the tormented way he looked at her down to her fingertips.

  “Can we talk when this is over?” Jasper asked.

  After Rita tried not to break her neck nodding, they both sat down on the log, Jasper taking Glen’s vacated spot.

  “We’re going to start with each of us confessing something that�
�s been weighing on our minds. No judgments. No commenting until the person is finished. Just absorb the honesty.” Glen scanned the group. “Would anyone like to go first?” As expected, no one made a peep. “No? Fine, I’ll start.”

  Aaron shifted on the log. “This should be interesting.”

  Glen threw up his hands. “My business license is expired.”

  “Well isn’t that just the confession of the decade? You never had a business license,” Jasper corrected, his jaw clenched. “Someone else take a turn, so we can get Rit—everyone back to town. They’re leaving soon as the sun’s up.”

  Rita wasn’t given a chance to react to Jasper’s flatly delivered statement, because Peggy stood in dramatic fashion, drawing everyone’s eyes. “I killed my own hamster in fifth grade. It wasn’t Gerard.”

  “Who’s Gerard?” Jasper wanted to know.

  “Rita’s weird ex-boyfriend.” Peggy’s fingers tangled in her curls, twisting them with near violence. “It was an accident. I s-sat on him and then I hid the evidence.”

  “The evidence being Fluffy,” Aaron clarified, standing as Peggy sat back down. “Well, we’ve solved the hamster cold case. Seems to me we should end on a high note.”

  There was only one voice that could shut down the bickering that ensued, and it cut through the arguing voices like a knife through butter. “I’ve been looking for my father,” Belmont stated. That was it. He didn’t elaborate. But the revelation had the effect of an icy-cold rainstorm catching them out in the open with no shelter. The siblings traded startled looks, clearly searching their emotionally stunted brains for the appropriate response and coming up empty.

  They watched in a state of suspended animation as Sage slid her hand across the log, brushing just her pinky finger against Belmont’s, sending a shudder through his body. “Sometimes when I plan a wedding for a truly awful couple, I…secretly hope the marriage doesn’t work out,” Sage rushed out in a stage whisper, sagging in relief as if she’d just unburdened herself of a murder confession.

  Belmont smiled. Actually smiled. Which reminded Rita of the secret he’d imparted. Trying to find his real father? He’d never even mentioned having an interest. And how selfish and blind of them to assume his differing parentage wasn’t an issue. Anxiety built in Rita’s chest until it felt as though she’d sprinted ten miles. Her throat started to burn with the need to speak, but what would she say?

  Abruptly, Aaron stood and took a few steps out of the lit circle, before returning. “Did you all really think I could take a month off work to come on this ridiculous trip? You just…believed me without question.” He ran a hand over his mouth. “I got fired. About a week before the restaurant burned down, Senator Boggs dismissed me from his staff.” A beat passed while that bombshell sank in among the group. “I fucked up. Did something I shouldn’t have done. Iowa isn’t about getting ahead, it’s about getting somewhere. Anywhere. Or that’s the end for me.”

  Peggy dropped her face into her lap and started to sob. Giant, shoulder-shaking sobs that made Aaron roll his eyes before he dropped back down onto the log and jerked his sister up against his side.

  “It’s going to work out,” Aaron muttered, as if trying to convince himself more than Peggy. “I won’t be a failure.”

  “You aren’t,” Peggy insisted, tearfully scrutinizing the unconfessed. “Who’s up next?”

  Rita averted her gaze, staring directly into the flickering fire. It had taken so much courage for the four of them to be honest. She couldn’t follow suit, could she? No. She didn’t have it in her to just—drop the shield. Her confession was so much worse. They would condemn her. Hell, she’d already condemned herself, and that judgment was well deserved. They were on this trip because of a mutual love for their mother and the betrayal would be an arrow, piercing them all in this rare state of exposure.

  When Jasper laid a hand on top of hers, Rita realized she’d been holding her breath. But now the oxygen rushed in, as though it were being fed through their physical connection. Tears pressed behind her eyes like the cold, blunt end of a hammer. And she just—exploded. “I burned down Wayfare.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chasing after Rita into the desert had been a big mistake. Monumental.

  He should have left things sour. Because now he’d watched her in the flickering firelight. Watched her eyes shine with unshed tears as she listened to her siblings. Heard the note of relief when he’d shown up. His plan simply to make amends for his half of this afternoon’s blowup—nothing more, nothing less—seemed like a fool’s mission now. Two people didn’t burn together—as they’d done—and simply cool off. No. The burn was there between them, brighter and more ravenous than ever.

  Those facts occurred to Jasper before she confessed to burning down her mother’s restaurant. So maybe he was crazy, as everyone used to say, because he toppled over, straight into love with Rita when she said the words, releasing them into the night like tiny torpedoes. With her gripping his hand, the wind blowing her hair in a constantly shifting dark halo around her face, she was the most incredible sight he’d ever beheld. Perhaps because he’d finally gotten to the bottom of her and finally understood. Oh, yes. I see where the pain comes from. I want it to be my pain, too. Want you to give me half, so we can bear it together.

  “I could have saved it,” Rita wheezed, prompting Jasper to tighten his hold. “I had the extinguisher in my hand.” She stared into the distance, as if remembering. “It was only in one corner of the kitchen…someone had left one of the burners on and it lit on a greasy apron someone had thrown over the expediting rack. I think…I think? It would only have taken me spraying it down with foam. But I didn’t. I just grabbed a whisk and I left. I let Mom’s restaurant burn down.”

  Her fear caused a change in Jasper. Made him want to lift a giant shield to keep her hidden while he defended her actions. And he would defend her. Without question. He had zero questions about Rita. Just the love expanding and strengthening and lifting all the parts of his insides that were myths until tonight.

  Jasper moved diagonally on the log, bringing his side flush with Rita’s. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulled her close, and planted a lingering kiss in her hair. “Everything is going to be okay now,” he murmured. “Brave, beautiful Rita.”

  She turned her face into Jasper’s, hiccupping against the side of his jaw. “If I was brave, I would have put out the fire. I wouldn’t have been so scared to show up the next day for work that I let it burn to ashes.”

  Aaron’s voice sliced through the silence, making Rita flinch. “Why were you scared to go to work?”

  Rita tugged away and heaved a shaky breath up at the sky. “You don’t know what it was like. Being the one she chose. The one expected to learn the talent she was just born with. I couldn’t live up. Every day was try, fail, try, fail. After the television show, it got to the point where I couldn’t handle failing one more time. I couldn’t.” Jasper was now hanging on to Rita for dear life, the more she revealed about her struggle to live up. Couldn’t she see how worthy she was of their pride? Simply by being the kind of person who did try that hard? “I’m sorry for what I did. I’m so sorry.”

  Belmont moved first. He stood, rounding the fire to plant himself behind Rita, laying a hand on her shoulder. Rita went still, those big, golden-brown eyes going wide. She’d expected them to condemn her yet still told them everything? She was twice as brave as Jasper had given her credit for.

  One by one, the Clarksons—and the smaller woman who couldn’t seem to take her attention off Belmont—clustered around Jasper and Rita. Everyone but Aaron, who watched the scene play out across the bonfire.

  “I didn’t know,” Peggy whispered, giving Rita a kiss on the cheek. “Mom seemed so impressed with you. I-I was even jealous.”

  Rita laughed tearfully into Jasper’s neck. “No, you weren’t.”

  “Sure I was.” Peggy gave a dainty shrug, but she was fighting a grin. “For at least a full minute.”<
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  Based on the way Rita was trying to crawl inside his body, hiding her face from the light, Jasper reckoned she wasn’t comfortable with the shows of affection, even though her relief and shock were palpable things. Emotions he could feel just by holding her—and wasn’t that something? Christ, he wanted to take her home. Wanted to reward her for the courage she’d shown, wanted to apologize until his face turned blue over the way he’d overreacted that afternoon. But it was clear the siblings were waiting for Aaron to join them. Belmont, for his part, looked about ready to start a second bonfire with the glare leveled in his brother’s direction.

  Finally, Aaron found his feet, joining his family to ruffle Rita’s hair. “All right, already. It was a good soufflé, Rita.” He adjusted the collar of his shirt. “You didn’t have to burn down the fucking restaurant just to make me admit it.”

  Rita shook with laughter and was joined almost immediately by Peggy and Sage, Belmont’s rumble rounding out the sound. When the laughter died down, Rita lifted her face to Jasper’s, and he could read her expression. It said, Holy shit, that just happened…but please get me out of here, plain and simple. Whether or not she would like his methods? Now that remained to be seen.

  “I haven’t given my confession yet,” Jasper said, drawing several pairs of eyes to himself. He cleared his throat and braced for the fallout. “The Suburban has been fixed since Wednesday. You could have left two days ago.”

  Rita’s mouth fell open. “Wait. What?”

  Aaron’s good nature was gone in a flash. He released a blue streak of curses that had Sage covering her ears and Peggy giggling. And Jasper wouldn’t swear to it in a courtroom, but he thought Belmont might have started growling. “I couldn’t let Rita up and leave me so fast. You understand.” In a move that felt perfectly natural, Jasper pulled a still-agape Rita onto his lap. “I’m not sorry about bribing the mechanic,” he murmured against her temple, not caring whether the rest of the group was still listening or not. “Hell no, I’m not sorry. But, God, I’ll be sorry to watch you go.”